Jokes

God the Parent

Whenever your kids are out of control,
you can take comfort from the thought that even God's
omnipotence did not extend to God's kids.
After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.
And the first thing He said to them was: "Don't."

"Don't what?" Adam asked.

"Don't eat the Forbidden Fruit." God replied.

"Forbidden fruit? We got Forbidden Fruit?

Hey, Eve..we got Forbidden Fruit!"

"No way!"

"Where?"

"Don't eat that fruit!" said God.

"Why?"

"Because I am your Creator and I said so!" said God,
wondering why he hadn't stopped after making the elephants.

A few minutes later God saw the kids having an apple break and was angry.

"Didn't I tell you not to eat that fruit?" the 'First Parent' asked.

"Uh huh," Adam replied.

"Then why did you?"

"I dunno," Eve answered.

"She started it!" Adam said.

"Did not!"

"DID so!"

"DID NOT!"

Having had it with the two of them,
God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own...
thus the pattern was set, and it has never changed.

 

ADAM'S RIB

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings.
Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.

Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny what is the matter?"

Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."

 

Walking Out

"I hope you didn't take it personally, Reverend," an embarrassed woman said after a church service,
"when my husband walked out during your sermon."

"I did find it rather disconcerting," the preacher replied.

"It's not a reflection on you, sir," insisted the church goer.
"Ralph has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child."

 

I PRAY FOR...

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents.

At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the
youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs, "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE.
I PRAY FOR A NEW PLAYSTATION. I PRAY FOR A NEW DVD..."

His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said,
"Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."

To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"

Unknown Author