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Beware, I pray thee, of presuming that thou art saved. If thy heart be renewed, if thou shalt hate the things that thou didst once love, and...

Monday, July 28, 2008

Jokes For The Week

The Dead Church
A new Pastor in a small Oklahoma town spent the first four days making personal visits to each of the members, inviting them to come to his first services.
The following Sunday the church was all but empty. Accordingly, the Pastor placed a notice in the local newspapers, stating that, because the church was dead, it was everyone's duty to give it a decent Christian burial. The funeral would be held the following Sunday afternoon, the notice said.
Morbidly curious, a large crowd turned out for the "funeral." In front of the pulpit, they saw a closed coffin, smothered in flowers. After the Pastor delivered the eulogy, he opened the coffin and invited his congregation to come forward and pay their final respects to their dead church.
Filled with curiosity as to what would represent the corpse of a "dead church," all the people eagerly lined up to look in the coffin. Each "mourner" peeped into the coffin then quickly turned away with a guilty, sheepish look.
In the coffin, tilted at the correct angle, was a large mirror.


The Army of the Lord
A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.
The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"
My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor." Pastor questioned, "How come I don't "see you except at Christmas and Easter?"
He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."


Remarkable Parrot
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered.
They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.
The first said: "I built a big house for our mother."
The second said: "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."
The third said: "You remember how our mother enjoys reading the Bible.
Now she can't see very well.
So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible.
It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him.
Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot recites it."
Soon thereafter, their mother sent out her letters of thanks.
"Milton," she said, "the house you built is so huge.
I live only in one room, but I have to clean the whole house.
"Gerald," she said, "I am too old to travel.
I stay most of the time at home so I rarely use the Mercedes.
And that driver is so rude! He's a pain!"
"But Donald," she said, "the little chicken you sent was delicious!"

13 Readers Commented:

  1. I especially liked the first joke and would like it even more if it wasn't so true. :(

    Have a blessed day!
    Berean Wife

  2. I liked the last one best because of the unexpected ending (I thought she'd thank him, you know, and teach us a lesson that God's Word is most precious), though the first one is good too and I might use it as an opener to a post in the future. :-P

    Thanks for the laughs, sis!

    God bless!

  3. LOL COH, always entertaining. Thanks for sharing, also I find the first one more true than a joke. Anna :)

  4. Luckenzo09:25

    GOD bless you COH, i so much enjoyed all three jokes about the dead church, the Lord's Army and the parrot.....a good comic relief from - almost stiffling christian environment brought about by all the false prophets.......still laughiiiiiinnnnnggggg!!!

  5. Sidharth12:51

    =) You're a master this! =)


  6. Love the first joke cos it's so true,we are the ones killing the church with criticism,hatred,gossip,lies and all other vices.
    The Army of the Lord is also good.Even though we all need a laugh once in a while,there is truth to the lets be careful.


  7. Godbless you Berean wife am afriad it is so true

  8. To God be the Glory Isaiah. . . am glad you liked them

  9. Godbless you Anna, you are so right!

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  11. You are funny Luckenzo my dear. Godbless you

  12. Godbless and thanks Sidhart

  13. You are right Bola thanks for the advice


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