In God's Time
A man is talking to God.
The man asks God how much a million years is to him God says that it's a second.
Then he asks how much a million dollars is to him God says it's a penny.
So the man asked, "God can I have a penny?"
And God replied, "Just a second."
After the revival had concluded, the three pastors were discussing the results with one another.
The Methodist minister said, "The revival worked out great for us! We gained four new families."
The Baptist preacher said, "We did better than that! We gained six new families."
The Presbyterian pastor said, "Well, we did even better than that! We got rid of our 10 biggest trouble makers!"
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings.
Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny what is the matter?"
Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."
Author is Unknown
A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes.
The golfer says to himself, "I'd give anything to sink this next putt."
A stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?"
The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless but also that perhaps
this is a good omen and will put him in the right frame of mind to make the difficult putt and says, "OK."
And sinks the putt.
Two holes later he mumbles to himself, "Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole."
The same stranger moves to his side and says, "Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?"
The golfer shrugs and says, "Sure." And he makes an eagle.
Down to the final hole. The golfer needs yet another eagle to win.
Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says,
"Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?"
The golfer says, "Certainly." And makes the eagle.
As the golfer walks to the club house, the stranger walks alongside and says,
"You know, I've really not been fair with you because you don't know who I am.
I'm the devil and from now on you will have no sex life."
"Nice to meet you," says the golfer. "My name's Father O'Malley."