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Quotes For The Week

Beware, I pray thee, of presuming that thou art saved. If thy heart be renewed, if thou shalt hate the things that thou didst once love, and...

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Jokes for the Week

A Special Hymn

A preacher was completing a temperance sermon; with great expression he said,
"If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

With even greater emphasis he said,
"And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

And then finally, he said,
"And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

He sat down.

The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile,
"For our closing song, let us sing Hymn # 365: "Shall We Gather at the River."

Author is Unknown

Boring Pastor

An elderly woman walked into the local country church.
The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps.
"Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely.

"The front row please." she answered.

"You really don't want to do that", the usher said.

"The pastor is really boring."

"Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired.

"No." he said.

"I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.

"Do you know who I am?" he asked.

"No." she said.

"Good", he answered.

Stolen Goose

Confessor: I have stolen a fat goose from a poultry yard!
Priest: That is very wrong.
Confessor: Would you like to accept it, Father?
Priest: Certainly not- return it to the man whom you stole it from.
Confessor: But I have offered it to him and he won't have it.
Priest: In that case you may keep it yourself.
Confessor: Thank you, Father.

The Priest arrived home to find one of his geese had been stolen...

Author is Unknown
Have Faith My Child

For the umpteenth time Mrs. Youngston came to her pastor to tell him, "I'm so scared!
Joe says he's going to kill me if I continue to come to your church."

"Yes, yes, my child," replied the pastor, more than a little tired of hearing this over and over.
"I will continue to pray for you, Mrs. Youngston. Have faith - the Lord will watch over you."

"Oh yes, he has kept me safe thus far, only....."

"Only what, my child?"

"Well, now he says if I keep coming to your church, he's going to kill YOU!"

"Well, now," said the pastor, "Perhaps it's time to check out that little church on the other side of town."

Author is Unknown

16 Readers Commented:

  1. LOL!! So brilliant. Where DO you get them?

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  2. Love the “stolen goose”. It’s quite funny! How have you been? See I have been missing a lot the past few weeks. Will keep in touch.

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  4. ROFL! Thank you for the pick-me-up's, Channel of Healing! It's been a bad week so far and those sure brightened things up a little. :)

    Shalom!

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  5. Channelofhealing, excellent and absolutely funny as always. Anna :)

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  6. Channelofhealing, hope you are doing well, awaiting you back. Anna :)

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  7. Hi Mike, sorry for the late reply I wasn't available then but I do get them online.
    Godbless

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  8. Hi Bola, would love that.
    Godbless

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  9. Hi Isaiah I pray things get better for you in Jesus Mighty name Amen.
    Godbless

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  10. Hi Anna, thanks for everything am back now though a little tired but hope to feel much better soon. thanks for loving and missing me.
    Godbless

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  11. Godbless you Adullamite!

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  12. Anna,

    I started my blog only a few
    months ago. I found it almost
    impossible to reach out to others
    about God and his Truth. Most just
    don't care or are so apathetic.
    God led me to start a blog.
    If only one person is saved because of it.....It will have been worth it.

    The other benefit I received from
    doing a blog for Christ is the fellowship I have discovered that
    I would have missed....

    My wife Janet and I are quite
    busy lately with the blessing of babysitting for 5 1/2 MONTH OLD Reagan, our only
    grandchild during the week days.

    Time is short for me but I love
    fellow shipping with my new found
    friend in Christ Jesus.

    Here is one I heard some time ago:

    A young man walked on a cloud
    up to the Pearly Gates. He saw
    St Peter standing there and the
    young man asked if he could enter
    into heaven. Peter said that it depends on a few things.

    Peter said what makes you feel you qualify for heaven?
    The young man said I was a great
    family man and husband.
    Peter said well, that gets you
    3 points. The young man said,"What?" only 3 points? I loved my wife and always put her first...and I never even looked at a woman wrongly....Peter said that
    will get you 2.5 points more....
    The young man said I gave half
    of my pay check to the poor ....
    Peter said that will get you
    .5 points....
    The young man said, "WHATTT" I this rate I'll only get in by the "grace of God"

    Peter said "bingo"
    "COME ON IN !"

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  13. Thanks alot BrotherMark you might not beleive this but the truth is that God has a reason for bringing us into blogging and I Pray that God will strenghten us and empower us for service.
    thanks for the Joke it's funny and so true.

    Godbless

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  14. Brother Mark, lol, thanks for sharing, Anna :)

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  15. Godbless you both, Anna and Brother mark

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