Jokes for the Week
A Special Hymn
A preacher was completing a temperance sermon; with great expression he said,
"If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
With even greater emphasis he said,
"And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
And then finally, he said,
"And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
He sat down.
The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile,
"For our closing song, let us sing Hymn # 365: "Shall We Gather at the River."
Author is Unknown
An elderly woman walked into the local country church.
The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps.
"Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely.
"The front row please." she answered.
"You really don't want to do that", the usher said.
"The pastor is really boring."
"Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired.
"No." he said.
"I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.
"Do you know who I am?" he asked.
"No." she said.
"Good", he answered.
Confessor: I have stolen a fat goose from a poultry yard!
Priest: That is very wrong.
Confessor: Would you like to accept it, Father?
Priest: Certainly not- return it to the man whom you stole it from.
Confessor: But I have offered it to him and he won't have it.
Priest: In that case you may keep it yourself.
Confessor: Thank you, Father.
The Priest arrived home to find one of his geese had been stolen...
Author is Unknown
Have Faith My Child
For the umpteenth time Mrs. Youngston came to her pastor to tell him, "I'm so scared!
Joe says he's going to kill me if I continue to come to your church."
"Yes, yes, my child," replied the pastor, more than a little tired of hearing this over and over.
"I will continue to pray for you, Mrs. Youngston. Have faith - the Lord will watch over you."
"Oh yes, he has kept me safe thus far, only....."
"Only what, my child?"
"Well, now he says if I keep coming to your church, he's going to kill YOU!"
"Well, now," said the pastor, "Perhaps it's time to check out that little church on the other side of town."