JOKES

Revival

After the revival had concluded, the three pastors were discussing the results with one another.

The Methodist minister said, "The revival worked out great for us! We gained four new families."

The Baptist preacher said, "We did better than that! We gained six new families."

The Presbyterian pastor said, "Well, we did even better than that! We got rid of our 10 biggest trouble makers!"

Author is Unknown

Secret Sin

Three pastors went to the pastor convention and were all sharing one room.
The first pastor said, "Let's confess our secret sins one to another.
I'll start - my secret sin is I just love to gamble.
When I go out of town, it's cha-ching cha-ching, let the machines ring."

The second pastor said, "My secret sin is that I just hate working.
I copy all my sermons from those given by other pastors."

The third pastor said, "My secret sin is gossiping and, oh boy, I just can't wait to get out of this room!"

Author is Unknown

The Answer

A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his parishioners.
All went well until he came to one house.
It was obvious that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he had knocked several times.
Finally, he took out his card and wrote on the back: Revelation 3:20 and stuck it in the door.

The next day, as he was counting the offering he found his card in the collection plate.
Below his message was the notation Genesis 3:10.

Revelation 3:20 reads: "Behold I stand at the door and knock.
If any man hear my voice, and opens the door, I will come in to him, and will dine with him, and he with me."

Genesis 3:10 reads: "And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked."

Author is Unknown

Boring Pastor

An elderly woman walked into the local country church.
The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps.
"Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely.

"The front row please." she answered.

"You really don't want to do that", the usher said.

"The pastor is really boring."

"Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired.

"No." he said.

"I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.

"Do you know who I am?" he asked.

"No." she said.

"Good", he answered.

Author is Unknown

Pastors' Wives

Two Pastors wives were visiting and sewing their husbands pants.
One wife said: My husband is just beside himself, he does not know what to do anymore
and he is so tired and depressed he said he is ready to just give up and resign.

The other wife said: I am sorry to hear that because my husband has never been happier.
Our membership is growing and we are out of our financial burden, we have such a large and loving
congregation. Life could not be any better than it is right now.

the first woman was mending the seat of her husbands pants, the other was mending the knees.

Author is Unknown

Woops

A middle-aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table she has a near death experience.
During that experience she sees God and asks if this is it.
God says no and explains that she has another 30 years to live.

Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the hospital and have a face lift,
liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc.
She even has someone come in and change her hair color.
She figures since she's got another 30 years she might as well make the most of it.

She walks out of the hospital after the last operation and is killed by an ambulance speeding by.
She arrives in front of God and complains, "I thought you said I had another 30 years."

God replies, I didn't recognize you."

Author is Unknown